THE SNOW!

This winter I've felt that its not snowed as much as it has as the last few years. I could be wrong though, but i miss having HUGE snowstorms that i remember from my childhood. And its made me a little sad.
I love the snow, it brings back alot of memories, its perfect weather for me, and again, i just love it.

This morning i woke up, opened the window, and saw the freshly fallen snow.
It reminded me of someone that i love dearly. Someone so special, so dear to my heart, and who had such a special spirit.
But looking at the snow i was reminded that he's not here with us anymore. He's somewhere that's more beautiful than whats around me, hes somewhere that he feels no pain and is happy.
Looking at God's beauty around me this morning, i was reminded of this special person. Of what a beautiful, talented, and amazing person he was. And then i thought of his family, i adore them just as much as i adore him. I'm so proud of them, all of their accomplishments, all of their triumphs, all of their strength, all of their wisdom, and so much more.
The snow brought back such a flood of emotion that i have for this special person. I miss him dearly, i ache to show him that im drug and alcohol free, that im a mom, that im a wife, and that i turned out OK. I ache to just chat with im and be in is presence, i ache to laugh at his silliness and beautiful smile. But i know that ill see him again and i know he's OK. And that for me, is enough.


The snow also brings me back to when i was a De-Icer at the airport. OH!! How i miss it there! Those 3 years did a number on my body and back. But, it was filled with fun and growth. After all, that is where i met my wonderful husband and where we fell in love. When Kreg used to work there during the winter he would come home smelling like jet fuel and glycol. It would make me miss De-Icing **SO MUCH**. I would sniff his neck and take in the smell, he thought i was so weird.lol
The first winter after i had Klaire was the hardest. My body and mind ached to go back and do what it knew how to do. I remember sitting on the couch and weeping as i held this stunning new little baby, and loving her so much, but wanting to go back and doing what i loved doing. I wasn't sure if i could be a good mom, but i was sure that i was a good De-Icer.

From the first snowflake that flies to the last, De-Icing is always on my mind, and 8 years later, i still feel like i belong in the truck or in the bucket with a headset on, a harness, a pen in my mouth, sunglasses on, and my bib overalls on. Sticky faced from the glycol, eyes burning from lack of sleep, but LOVING it!

De-Icing was something i was *really good* at. I picked it up easily, and i worked my heart out at doing it, i completely enjoyed it. I was perfectly OK with spending 2-3 days in the cab of a De-Icer with my partner, getting sleep between banks of airplanes, having the supervisors bring food and drinks to us when they had the chance.
I loved climbing on top of the tanks of the truck to fill with glycol and being able to see for miles through the crisp air. I loved warming the trucks up at 2am (or some insane early hour) before a big storm and seeing the glowing lights in the distance. I loved the peacefulness there would be before the storm, and the smell of glycol in the air after De-Icing, the orange snow. I loved the fact that as i was De-icing people were in those planes, watching *ME*, counting on me doing my job, doing it right, and doing it good.
Most importantly, i love the fact that not only did i De-Ice for alot of the airlines at SLC Int. But i got the experience of De-icing for GE, little cargo puddle jumpers, military C-130's, most of the private airplanes that flew in for the 2002 Winter Olympics, FedEx, UPS, Polar Air, The Antonov, and many more.

I cherish that time and those memories, as much as i miss that place and what i did, i love what im doing now. Being a mom. Being a wife. Being clean and sober. Being active in the LDS Church.

The snow. Its amazing how something so simple can bring back such a flood of emotions and memories.