New Beginings

Klaire starts 1st grade on Aug. 20th.

We know who her teacher is already, getting the uniforms ready, bought her shoes last night (OI!!), and slowly getting the supplies, her new backpack arrived, and her new lunchbox is on its way. Its getting so close! I'm filled with so much happiness for her, but also some sadness and worry.

Last year i thought i would be a blubbery mess about her going off to kindergarten, and it was more of a relief than anything, she only had half a day though. Prior to that she had 3 years in preschool (2-3 days a week for about 2 hours). So while she was away from me, it was for 2-3 hours MAX.

This year its hitting me that my little buddy is leaving me.
Shes been my *CONSTANT* companion for the last nearly 7 years. Ive never really left her in someone else's daily/constant care for 8 hours a day. every day. Never. I have full confidence in her, I'm pretty sure she will be fine. She has a great teacher in a really small and awesome school. Its not like I'm leaving her with axe murders, ya know? And i plan on having a special lunch with her once a month or so. And i do plan on volunteering a few hours a month.

But my baby is leaving me.
See, already, just typing this, I'm getting a bit teary and blubbery about it. What do i do with myself? Ill be making lunch just for one person now. If i want a nap, i can have one with no excuses, if i want to drive up the canyon, i can. Ill have a solid 8 hours without her. I'm considering finding a job just to keep myself busy. It'll be so freeing in some many ways. But I'm not sure i really want that freedom, i mean, i do, it'll be nice, but in a sense, i don't want it.

At first i was totally thrilled to have any sort of break from her, but now, now I'm getting really torn up about it. I went straight from party girl/workaholic to mom/wife in a matter of 10 months.
I seriously don't know what to do with myself, she keeps me on the straight and narrow, she keeps me busy, she keeps me laughing, shes my shopping partner, my movie buddy, my playground friend. My whole day has been centered around her for nearly 7 years!

I just don't know how I'm going to handle this.
Its not like i have more babies at home either. Shes it. Shes the only one. Everything feels SO.FINAL. now that shes in 1st grade.

I hope this makes sense and isn't too whiny. My baby is growing up and I'm not ready for it. But i know that she is.