To this:
Its been a HUGE roller coaster ride for me personally, for Kreg and i as a couple, and for Kreg, myself and Klaire as a family.
The last 4+ years have been so trying, so hard, but so gratifying.
There's been numerous and very expensive medications to make my body function as it should. I have spent countless hours sitting in my RE's (Reproductive Endocrinologist) office discussing blood work, best case scenario's, worse case scenario's, him going over new drug info with me, and how we will both proactively manage my care.
Ive had TONS of blood drawn (figure about 5-6 vials each time, sometimes more) every month to 3 months for 4+years. Thats ALOT of blood and ALOT of lab fees.lol Ive learned how to get over my fear of needles VERY fast.
We have had many dashed hopes and multiple let downs.
Many times of "Are we just spinning our wheels here?!", "Is this really worth it?!", and "Lets just give it another year...".
And there's been countless hours of conversation between Kreg and i discussing the "What if's" and "Just in cases"....
I can't describe the intensity of what our life has been like, even for the people who have remained closest with us were kept shielded away from alot of the ups and downs.
There really are no words.
This is a run down of what the last few days have been like around here:
I forgot how awesome it feels to wake up at 3 am only to feel your bladder about to freaking burst! And then you hobble into the bathroom and you have about 5 gallons of pee come out when you know you haven't had anything to drink for HOURS. But the release of that pee feels so darn good! Its the tooth tingling type of good.
If it wasn't for Omeperazole my throat and stomach would be trashed from all of the acid and refluxing already. It happened with Klaire but not until a few more months. Its already started with this one. Ive had 6 good years of no heartburn and no pain. And now its right on the edge of coming back and my meds not working for it. Suggestions anyone?
The nausea. HOLY.FREAKING.CRAP! :sick:
The only thing that keeps he nausea from getting worse is eating, but then the thought of food makes me want to hurl. I dont remember it being like this with Klaire. But being 10 years older im sure is not helping the fact. Ive been noticing its getting more intense each day. Maybe im just noticing it more though? I dont know.
Saliva. Dude. Really?!
Ive choked on my own spit like a million times already. Again, dont remember that from last time. Maybe i was so new to it all that i didn't even notice.lol
Its been a roller coaster of a weekend.
On Fri. Feb. 10th at like 5am or so i had a HUGE urge to pee, i had some older tests laying around and i decided to test.
I really wasn't expecting to get a positive. At that point the only thing that really lead me to test was the fact that i was about 56 days late. Which. HELLO!!!!! Completely normal for me when im not on BC pills and Spironolactone.lol It was honestly no shock that i was late at all.
Called the RE to get some blood drawn, found out i couldn't get that done until Monday.....
On Sat. Feb.11 i was super on edge, not knowing one way or the other. It was super hard for me to keep calm, cool, and collected. I was very edgy and ornery with everyone. Tested again. And the test was out of the same package. And i got the same result. Again, not sure if it was an invalid result or a true positive.
Took another test, same brand but new stick, and sure enough, SAME FREAKING RESULT!!!lol
At that point i was like "K, maybe there's something wrong with this brand, or maybe ive got something hormonal going on with my body and somehow that's effecting the test results."lol
That night i finally took a digital test and i remember saying over and over "Please God. Please God. Please God. Just let it be positive. Just let it be OK.".
It was positive and i KNEW. There wasn't any doubt, there wasn't any "maybe the test is jacked...".lol
The fact that i took like 3 tests in the AM and this one digi in the PM and they all said positive was a pretty big deal.
Klaire picked up on our "slang" while on a drive and figured out that we were talking about possibly being pregnant. She's a smart little cookie. I guess i educated her a little too well on the terms:
miscarriage
placenta
cervix
HCG
fetus
sack
ovulation
conception
and so on.......
On Sun. Feb 12 i took ANOTHER digi test just to be certain, and yet again. Positive.lol
I felt better, i felt more at ease, it all felt more real. I began to relax and really take it all in. But, i still found i was having a hard time accepting that i really was pregnant until i had that blood test.
Kreg started getting super excited. It was HARD being at church and not screaming it out from the chandeliers. :rofl: We almost let it slip a few times.
on Mon. Feb 13 had blood drawn. All the girls in the office were shocked to see me. I wasn't there on my normal day and they had to order different blood tests. They were all winking and smiling at me. It was pretty neat to see them all be happy for me.
Monday was full of waiting....waiting..... and waiting... Kreg and i really started opening up about the prospect of having another baby.
We both talked about how we feel like we are starting all over again. Which, we really are. We haven't had ANY baby related items in the house now for going on 7 years. And how it was so nice that Klaire was to the point of being so independent. No more car seats and such.lol
And today, Feb. 14th.
While i was out taking the kids to school today my RE's office called and Kreg got the phone call. They let him know that i am FOR SURE!!!! pregnant. They didn't give him my values though, when i called back they said they didn't run my values they just did the test to find HCG or whatever. So i am a little mad about that, somehow i think that knowing my numbers will tell me something i dont know already.
I have to go have a redraw if i want my numbers, which i do. Or ill have to get into an OB or CNM asap and have my numbers drawn then, which chances are, they wont take me until im about 10 weeks. And i fear loosing this baby in those weeks between now and then. Thats been the pattern the last 9 years, so i have alot of fear right now.
So, that's where we are now. I have MULTIPLE pee stick tests and a blood test to confirm.
Klaire had a little bit of a breakdown last night about it all.
She is terrified i will loose the baby. We have always kept the other losses between Kreg and i, or i have just kept it to myself but Kreg would always catch on. So it has been hard to see her so worried.
She loves being an only child but hates it at the same time and she can't wait to have a sibling. We told her that if she doesnt love her little brother or sister too bad, its here to stay. And she said "Wont Aunt Leslie just take it for us for a while?".lol We about DIED laughing, Aunt Les has her hands pretty full too. lol
Kreg is handling it so well. He has been my rock. He has been so loving and has taken such great care of me.
He is scared for my health, my recovery from Klaire was so hard and dangerous. He is scared this will put my health over the edge. Understandably so.
I'm good. Just getting used to the idea of it all. We really thought Klaire was our one and only. I'm scared because im having to do this all over again, im much older, and i know what im getting into. I really love my 10-12 hours of sleep now, i know that wont last, but im OK with it honestly because i know it will return in a few years.
I'm excited to start gathering things in preparation for the baby. I can't wait to start making diapers! Kreg and i are excited to make and have a nursery once a again, we really didnt get that chance the first time around.
I'm trying my hardest to just stay healthy each day and to not let things get me down and to not let the nausea overcome me.
I plan on keeping up with the gym so i can be as healthy as i can. I also have some prenatal yoga DVDs on the way and im excited about using those. This is great motivation for being fit!
Here are some neat facts about Klaire's pregnancy and this one:
Klaire's original due date was Sept. 3rd, this baby's EDD is (we think) Oct. 3rd.
I was insanely pregnant on VDay in 2002 (i had no idea though!), and 10 years later to the day, im pregnant again and fighting the nausea just like before. The only difference is that this time i know why im ready to hurl all the time.lol
I am pregnant at the exact same time of the year as i was with Klaire, just 10 years apart.
Kreg and i are the same ages as when we were pregnant with Klaire, just 10 years older.lol
K, well, i hope this post is well recieved.lol
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