{15 YEARS AGO}

The 4th of July weekend always holds certain and precious memories for me.
And this year will be the 15th anniversary of something that happened, it forever changed me and a relationship i have with one of my cousins.

In my family on my moms side, all of the cousins were born in clusters together, so i had like 5-6 other cousins who were within a year or two with me. We did holidays together up to a certain point, we did birthdays together, we slept over at each others houses, we played in the snow together, we spent summers together, and we took care of each other.
That's the only way i had brothers or a little sister.

15 years ago, the day after my 14th birthday i woke up, just like any other summer day in our house. I got dressed and ready for the day. Walked out to the kitchen and saw my mom standing in our living room with a foot locker, a duffel bag, and a backpack. My dad had gone to work that day, and both of my sisters were no longer living at home.
I asked her what was going on and she asked me if i was ready.
"Ready for what?!" i asked, thinking she was talking about breakfast. I could feel my blood sugar diving and i was getting sick and light headed.
I was wrong. She was asking me if i was ready to leave to Montana.

You see, for several years i had an uncle, a special uncle, up in Montana working as a cook for a place called The Grubsteak. He was like a nomad, he just kinda wandered where he wanted to, and had no real place to call home. I love him dearly, but dude has issues, has struggled with addiction for a LOOOOOONNG time.
The previous 2 summers i spent my summers up there with him. The first year he had a tragic accident with boiling water and his leg. And i was left there, by my grandmother and mom, after the accident to tend for my uncle until i started school. I was 12.
I learned to drive that summer, a stick shift.
I took daily walks to the convenience store to buy his lotto tickets and to buy me some food.
I also sat and watched my uncle endure hours of debrieing, scrubbing, and re-bandaging of his burns from the boiling water. I saw his tender white and pink flesh bleed, i saw the new skin struggling to grow, i saw the worry in the nurses faces. I worried about him so much.
I watched them urge him to put his foot into water, and just that simple task sent him into excruciating amounts of pain.
I saw a grown man weep on a daily basis for weeks. He sobbed the whole way there and the whole way home and for most of the night after. And we did that almost daily.
A 12 year old girl had to comfort and care for a grown man, a drug addict.

I grew up really fast. Too fast. Before it was my time too. But i feel that God had a purpose in doing it that way.

The next summer, i was 13. I was sent back up there to help him and to help him in the restaurant because he couldn't move as well. The waitresses there were incredibly nice to me, they always made sure i had a plate of cheese ravioli in my tummy and something to drink. They always made it a point to ask me how *I* was doing and holding up.
My uncle had a stroke at 16 from drug abuse (from what i was told), and combined with the massive burns, he could barely walk. He still struggles with it.
But that year i felt bad for him, and my mom convinced me i wanted to go. I really didn't want to, but i went because i felt like i had no choice. She was very tricky like that, i was convinced to do more things than what i wanted to because she used guilt. It was *HER* brother, why didn't she go?!

Back to when i was 14, my mom standing with my stuff packed in the living room, me needing to get some food in me and still wiping the night from my eyes.
My mom then informed me i was going back up to Montana for a 3rd summer. My uncle was moving back to a trailer he had and i was to help him pack and move.

She handed me a Greyhound bus ticket, $50 in cash, a calling card, and told me not to get raped. Seriously.
We packed up her car with my 3 items of luggage, she drove me to the bus station in Ogden. There were bums and drug dealers all over. I took my stuff out of the car and she left. She didnt even say goodbye, she just left. I didnt get to tell my dad goodbye either. That was hard.
And there i was waiting....... By myself..... In the early morning...... Terrified and incredibly hurt. At the Ogden bus station. Nice parenting.

I spent the next 2 days on a Greyhound with weird men, drug addicts, illegal aliens, mentally ill people, and a funky smell.
I had no idea where i was going. I had transfers in Idaho, and i was told that if i didn't get on the bus at the right time then i would have to wait a few days until another bus came.
Did i mention i was terrified?
I remember seeing a guy carrying a brown sack. And it was wiggling and moving around. He looked at me and asked me if i wanted to see his snake. I flipped him off and told him to get bent. And 2 minutes later the bus driver took his sack away, and sure enough, it was a LARGE snake, and he wasn't allowed back on the bus.

My mom was sending me off for yet another summer.
Sending me to somewhere i wasn't sure i wanted to be. A place where *I* was the adult, the caretaker, the cook, the maid, the health care provider, and so much more.
I was supposed to be having fun with my friends and doing yard work with my dad instead. I was supposed to be playing in the mountains and camping like i had done so many years before.

I finally arrived in Montana at a bus station.
No one was there waiting for me. I wasn't told what i was supposed to do. My uncle didn't have a phone for me to call. And i didn't have a way to get ahold of my cousin there either.
So there i sat as the sun was setting on the big Montana Sky.
As i was drifting off to sleep with my feet resting on my foot locker and my arms wrapped around my backpack, i smelled something familiar.
Patchouli, cigarettes, a hint of Old Spice, and dog. And then i heard his shuffle, the sound he made when he walks.
He's here, my uncle finally came. He remembered.
He had a smile, a big toothless smile, and he had trimmed his Goatee for the occasion.
I ran up to him and hugged him and started getting choked up. As badly as i didn't want to be there i was relieved to see a familiar face. To know i wasn't alone there.
I love my uncle, he and i have so much in common. But, we are polar opposites in some ways too. He was one of the 2 people in my whole family who didn't treat me like a pariah when was on drugs or went through rehab. They treated me with dignity, respect, and love.
And im eternally grateful.

So. There i was in Montana. Headed back to his cabin at The Grubsteak.
We made small talk, but it was mostly quiet. We got back in the dark and i carried my stuff up to my room and got organized and ready for bed.
The next day we packed and started moving.

I don't remember much about packing up the cabin and moving to the trailer.
I do remember seeing that we were going into alot of mountains and how pretty it was.
I remember being really hungry alot.
I remember him getting us some tacos at Del Taco. The cashier handed him his drink and a super large drink end up being spilled entirely in my lap because the lid wasn't put on tight enough. I got yelled at and had to sit in wet pants the rest of the day.

Once we moved everything, or most of the essentials, to the trailer the adventure began.

I went to use the restroom and was informed that we had no running water.
That meant no baths, no drinking water, no toilet unless we had a bucket of water, and no way to wash dishes.
We also had no gas. Which meant no way to cook food. Wait. You had to have food to cook it. He had a dozen apples and a few boxes of mac and cheese. But no milk, no butter.
We also had no electricity.
I remember the first week we were at the trailer we spent alot of time at the bar, and i was introduced to the bar tender there. She was sweet to me. She gave me my first real cherry coke. She let me go get a bag of cereal, a half gallon of milk, and some chips from a store area they had.

A few days into living at the trailer i remember asking my uncle if i could bath, and was again greeted with "no" because we had no water.
So i was sent over to the creep next door.
He let me use his shower. A shower never felt so good!! But the guy was super weird. Super weird. I prayed he wouldn't come into the bathroom and that the lock was strong. Every time i think about that neighbor i still get a host of creepy and weird feelings about him.

The next day my uncle left. It was dark when he got back. He brought back tons and tons of PVC piping, elbows, and connector thingies. He told me that in the morning he was going to tell he how to hook up the piping for the water.
We had water, just no pipes. Hm, that's why i couldn't bathe.
The next day, he opened the crawl space and i taught myself how to be a plumber.
I rewarded myself with a long bathe with hot water. It was nice!

Before i knew it, the 4th of July had come. I was outside in his yard. he sent me out there ALOT during the day. I was sad that it was the fourth and i didn't have any fireworks. I was sad that we weren't going to a parade or anything. I just wanted to go home. I was caring for a drug addict.
I remember sobbing to my dad on the phone in the bar.

All of a sudden i saw this big tall burely dude approaching me. He had a sandy blond, glasses wearing, goofier than all hell side kick.

It was may savior. My cousin. My uncles son. And a kid who he was friends with.
He brought me tons of fireworks and wanted to see me. I missed his big goofy self so badly.
I remember hugging the dickens out of him, i was so happy to see him.
He asked me how things were going, i don't remember what i told him. But before i knew it, he was inside the trailer.
I was sitting on the porch with his friend and he came out carrying my foot locker and bags.
We loaded up my things and he took me to the ranch he was living on.
My uncle didn't say anything to me.

It was the best 4th of July ive ever had. He took me out of a situation that he had been in as a kid. He saved me from so much.

There's so much to the rest of this story.
My cousin took such great care of me, i saw a side of him that i deeply respect and cherish. He gave me an amazing experience that summer, one i will never forget.
If it wasnt for him i wouldnt have such fond and wonderful memories of Montana or the 4th of July weekend.

Swimming in the Smith River on hot and muggy days.
Playing tag out in the hay fields
Laying on a HUGE rock stuck in the ground looking at the dark nights stars
Herding cows by foot, teaching me how to care for an orphaned calf
Teaching me how to clean pens
Watching "Legends Of The Fall" late one night
Taking me to the fair
Taking me to one of my first concerts
And how to make the most out of a crappy situation.

There's so many other great memories i have. But for now, this will have to do.
We have a busy and fun filled day ahead of us tomorrow!